Hating You
by Hikaru R. Kudou
Summary: HanaRuRuHana shounen ai. Sakuragi and Rukawa's POVs. They reflect on their rivalry, how they influence the other, how they fall in love, the reasons behind their actions, and their comments on their surroundings.


  
**DISCLAIMER:** Not mine. I'm merely a fanfic writer.

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**Sakuragi's POV**

_            "Sakuragi…why do you hate Rukawa so much?"  
            Why do I hate him so much? That is what people usually ask me, day by day, from time to time. First it was megane-kun, then Mitchy, next came Ryochin. And during practice today, Ayako-san asked me the same darn question – and it just so happened that Rukawa was but a metre away from us.  
            And what did I answer, you ask? Putting on an appropriate expression, a deep frown and eyes full of hatred, I simply replied: "How on earth could someone actually like that miserable fox? Look at him, for God's sake! He's the coldest person on Earth and I don't believe he's human at all!"  
            Well, it was either that or "He's a nothing but a show-off!" and so on…Do you know what I got in return? A monotone "Do'aho" (no prize for guessing who gave me that) and some death-threats from three VERY annoying cheerleaders. Oh, yes, add one extra-painful punch on the head; labelled yours truly, an escaped gorilla from a nearby zoo. Che.  
            Do you want to know why I hate that…that boy? For starters, he made me realize that I am inferior to him. He made me realize that I'm not such a big shot I think am. He made me look foolish in front of everybody with his frequent "do'aho's" and exhibiting his greatness in basketball. He is everything I yearn to be – save that cold nature of his (I think I prefer my own personality, thank you). Girls admire him, and would die just to get a word out of him. But most of all…  
            I hate him because he made me be aware of the fact that I am not straight.  
            Yes, how ironic. I hate him because I love him. I hate his handsome looks – the first aspect that attracted me to him. I hate his abilities in basketball – maybe that was the REAL reason I joined the team; to see him more often, and to admire him from a far.  
            I never knew I was such a good actor. Everyone thinks I am crazy for Haruko – except for Haruko herself. She's too slow to know that, I should think so. I knew that the 'Sakuragi Gundan' are betting on how Haruko would react once she knows of my 'obsession' towards her. But Youhei—I never knew what's on his mind. I should think he knew the truth about my wanting Rukawa, but he would not give me a direct answer, thus leaving me in the dark.  
            Finally I discovered why I was never successful with girls. Hell, 50 is no small number – especially 50 girls—considering I'm merely in my teenage years. They rejected me, leaving me in such deplorable a state, and only now I know why. They knew beforehand that I am not normal, and they decided not to inform me of it. Maybe they thought they were doing me a favour, but I know better now.  
            Almost everyone in school thought I joined basketball just to get Haruko's attention, and gradually her love. Hell, why should I bear with Gori just to get Haruko's love? That would not make any sense. Besides, even if I would get Haruko's love and then hand in marriage, I would rather die than to be Gori's brother-in-law. Like, hello? This is Gori we're talking about, right?  
            You might be asking right now; if I'm so crazy for Rukawa, why am I acting as if I'm after Haruko. As I said earlier, I abhor Rukawa because he showed me that I'm capable of loving a member of the same sex. Society disallows it, and looks down on those who do. In any case, I'm testing Rukawa to see his reaction. I don't know – maybe he would get jealous seeing Haruko and I chatting intimately with each other or something. When that happens, I'll know what's lurking in his head.  
            And the present result? I can't really say anything. Damn, he's so good in keeping his emotions to himself…  
            Why do I fell like I'm talking haphazardly? Am I even making sense here? Oh, damn it all!  
            And now I wonder if Rukawa knows my problem? I may be a genius, but I still can't figure out the meaning behind the "do'aho's". Was that hate, or was it love as well? The monotone of the name-calling precludes me from understanding what he really was thinking. Perhaps I'm no genius after all. Perhaps I'm just making that one up to get his attention so that he could rebuke me. Perhaps it was just pretence to boost my self-esteem. Perhaps that was to assure myself that I was not falling for him. Hm, now I understand the phrase 'the biggest mystery to man is man'.  
            Back to Rukawa. Hell, I could imagine how those &^%^$%# girls felt when Rukawa walked past them. Rukawa's indifferent and yet cold aura was detestable, but I could not imagine him with a goofy look and making a complete idiot out of himself. No, he's too respectable to do that, and being one hell of a macho guy I'm sure he would find the absurd acts silly and pointless. And now the question comes back to me – why must I act that way in front of him?  
            The answer is, thankfully, simple enough. Because I'm me. Sakuragi Hanamichi is known throughout school as a happy-go-lucky guy who gets into fights all the time, rejected 50 times and acts stupid every single moment of his life. And if I don't watch out soon the whole world will know of my fascination towards Rukawa.  
            But what if he feels the same way too? I might never know the answer, being a secretive person that he is I doubt if I'll be able to get further hints. But on second thought, even if he would accept me, I don't think he would tell anyone – not even me.  
            Come to think about it, Rukawa would never ever fall for me the same way I do to him. He finds me as 'an unidentified foul object (UFO) – or was it unbearable?— with the lowest level of intelligence' and Heaven knows he's too conceited to fall in love with anyone – after all, his sole reason for existence is only basketball, nothing else. Besides, later he would pursue his basketball future in America. Why would he want anything to do with me?  
            Damn you, Rukawa. You're making my head spin. I can't even think straight right now because of you.  
            Wow, so many things are playing in my mind right now. When was the last time I thought this elaborately?  
            Frankly, I myself am confused.  
_            I pulled the blanket over my head, and tried to get some shut eye. With no luck in that, I tried the sheep counting method. Only to find after approximately three seconds, instead of imagining sheep jumping over the fence, I saw foxes – looking suspiciously like a certain fox I know – dunking basketballs.   
            Why the sudden reference to foxes? Because my mom had bought me a blanket with fox patterns on it – and being underneath it I happened to be surrounded by innumerable foxes.  
            And that kept me awake all night.

Rukawa's POV 

            _Indubitably, Sakuragi Hanamichi is the daftest person in the history of mankind. Not that I know any history…  
            He has no common sense whatsoever, and is always getting on people's nerves. His annoying laughter rang through gym 24/7, even without his presence. And what's worse, it's ringing in my head too.  
            _I buried my head in the pillow. Correction, pillows – plural.  
            _Why won't you go away? I had enough of you for one day, damnit!  
            It is a general knowledge that I, Rukawa Kaede, super rookie, hate Sakuragi Hanamichi, the 'unbearable foul object (UFO)', with all my heart.  
            The reason? He is an absolute imbecile.  
            He is too stupid to realize that I am interested in him. He's too slow to recognize my hints—none other than the "do'aho's"—even when I took the initiative to say that to him every single second we see each other. He should know I say that to him too many times…more than other mentions of "do'aho's" altogether. He's too thick to grasp the fact that the captain's sister—her name starts with an H, that's all I can remember—does not deserve his attention! He's too busy with other unworthy people when by right he should be spending his time with me! He's too absorbed in his dreams of beating me in basketball when we should be working together and be together as one! Che! Of all the do'aho's…  
            I hate Sakuragi Hanamichi because I finally found someone who I believe is the love of my life.  
            I never knew I could love. My parents were divorced when I was but an infant, and neither of them wanted to raise me. And I was handed over to my aunt, and together with her family she took care of me as if I was her own. But later I moved out from her house, not wanting to trouble her any further. They sent me money for my daily needs, and being a wealthy person that they are, they could find me a comfortable home where I could live by myself. That was the time I started being a recluse, with a cold façade, and the only thing matters to me at that time was basketball.  
            Until I came face to face with the redhead. On the rooftop…the incident which will remain in my memory forever. His punches were good. It gave me the chance to feel his warm fingers, even if they cause me pain and blood. A pity we had an audience, though.  
            Add another reason for my hating him – I envy him. He could mix around with people so well, the one thing I had no intention of doing. I guess I was too engrossed in my own world. He has his own gang—and they follow him around faithfully—and I must admit they are a big help. Like the time we had that fight in the gym—when Mitsui was still in his gangster days…  
            I cannot deny the obvious reality that we share the same thoughts—well, not exactly in everything, but close. It's rather hard for me to understand how—and what made us think that way. For example, when Mitsui tried to knock Ryochin—I mean, Miyagi with the mop, both he and I stopped Mitsui in the nick of time. We were sort of helping each other too by then.  And when that gangster guy—Tetsuo, was it?—tried to lay a finger on Sakuragi, I intuitively stood up. That time, I was only thinking of his safety—my own was neglected. But due to my injury, I could not. I fell unconscious since I was losing too much blood. Consequently, I've never felt so useless in my entire life. He must have thought I was such a weakling.  
            Soon I found out that we inspire each other—in a way. He wants to show that he's better than I am any day, and he would humiliate himself just to get what he desires. Therefore he improved quite fast in basketball, and I was glad for him. I believe I took quite some time to master basketball – hell, I took about one year to learn what Sakuragi had learnt now—and he only did it in three months. If he'd start sooner, I daresay he would be able to defeat Sendoh—and later defeat me. Darn.  
            He too, without him knowing it, assisted me countless times. After our loss to Kainan, we fought ever so violently. He was blaming himself—I saw that. I made up a clever excuse of my not being capable enough in leading the team to glory. He fell for it. I knew that nothing would make him happier than to beat me to the pulp. And I let him—the first person I ever yielded to. I treasure our fights, for they are the only times he direct his attention towards me. I made him forget of the captain's sister, even for awhile. It was worth all the pain in the world. I was pleased that he responded to that at once. Now if he only could get the other hints…  
            I'm beginning to regret being such a hermit. I cannot walk up straight to him and reveal my love to him. I can't even talk to him for one second without rousing his anger. Which brings us to another question…  
            Why does he hate me so?  
            After I've given it some thinking—which I rarely do when it comes to other matters aside from basketball—he has plenty of reasons to detest me. I am way exclusive than he is. He knows that and yet he still refused to allow that. He would argue, saying that he is a first-rate genius and so forth. Next, he claimed that I pose as a threat since Go—I mean, captain's sister has her eyes on me. What does that has to do with me? Why should I even bother? There s no rule saying that you have, no matter what the cost, love someone back in return for his or her love towards you.  
            I would never, ever fall for a silly girl such as her. Honestly, I've never met any girl who doesn't go gaga whenever I am near .I never knew the cause of my aversion towards the opposite sex. All I know is that I'm annoyed with them. They easily fall for someone they barely know just because the boy is attractive and handsome or so. Unlike Sakuragi…of course, he's no girl. He is the first person who did not like me immediately when we first met—a pity.  
            And when I sleep, I dream of him. That explains all the drools. Before his presence in my life, I was never like this. Then, right after our first meeting, I could not get his face out of my mind. Even if he was not acting maturely, I did not mind in the least. But in my dreams, I was merely a bystander. He did not seem to realize my presence. I could only, just like in reality, watch and admire him without him knowing it.  
            When will I get the courage to confront him and thus telling him how I feel towards him? I just can't keep it to myself any longer. Normally I could bottle my emotions up very well. But I assume it has reached its limit—and it's impossible for it to store my strong feelings for Sakuragi.  
            I never knew I was such a coward before I felt this way. Maybe I really am a second-rate person compared to Sakuragi. Damn, I hate you, Sakuragi.  
            I can't sleep now, because of you. You made me think so much, like I've never thought before, and that's keeping my brain awake and active. I can't go out and play basketball now—that would only remind me of you. Hence I can merely lie here on my bed, reflecting on how you have left such huge an impact in my life. Thinking of you in the dark often left me wishing God would give me the boldness to expose my emotions to you.  
            Whether or not you're still awake, I wish you, Sakuragi, good night. I'll be seeing you tomorrow and hopefully, we'll have a nice yet meaningful chat which marks the end of our little enmity and the beginning of a solid relationship.  
            And one more thing; I hate you, dearest Sakuragi Hanamichi.  
  
_

~**owari~**

Author's Notes: I suppose they're a bit OOC, but I think it's OK since it's their very own judgement of themselves. Leave me a review before leaving, OK? Thanks for reading! *bows*


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